10 September 2008

Eat Red Meat.

I am fairly certain this blog doesn't need to become a general commentary on Australian pop culture. Even though it is almost the only aspect of culture that I never cease to be exhausted and annoyed by, I can't stop consuming it, and I know that's probably just me. I know for a fact that if I just kept writing about the often delightful, frequently bizarre, and occasionally bewildering things on television here, at least 2 of our 3 readers would stop reading. And then who would I be writing for? Craig could never forgive me for driving our friends away.

But there are some things here that absolutely merit attention. They simply cannot be ignored.
Oh, oh. Oh, no. Your Stateside minds must see. Must hear. Must know about what young Americans face, on a daily basis, in a strange country.

Dear readers, this installment is not about general Australian media. It is not some diffuse blathering about ice cream and tv and art and Kylie Minogue. No, no, this time we focus our ray of critical light, like a laser of observation, specifically on The Australian TV Commercial.

First, a little background information, a presentation of the issue, if you will. Television is far less inhibited in Australia. Movies aren't edited to cut away sexual content, and even the network TV shows can have far more sex on them. They are allowed to say "fuck" here. There have been midday ads for "Sexpo," which is exactly what it sounds like. My discomfort with said advertisement made me realize just how deep America's Puritan roots are sown.

The first ad I present for your questionable enjoyment blew my mind. This would never be allowed on American telly; behold the lowbrow hilarity that is a hallmark of Australian humor.

My FCC sensibilities are shocked and appalled; how on earth are Australian children expected to not become murderers when this is the kind of television they are exposed to?

Then, we witnessed this atrocity. Sam Neill making specious arguments about brain size and the modern-day importance of eating red meat.

Bizarre. Now, I do believe we could see something similar to this on American TV, but I haven't yet. And, even if we did, it would probably still star an Australian.


  1. wow those were both strangely offensive. I should move over there too so my American ways can be worn off and I can become more punk rock like your culture.

  2. Yeah, now we're totally desensitised to people playing instruments with their private parts. Why don't you join the 21st century already, Amerikkka?

  3. 1) Sam Neil is Australian?
    2) He east dinosaur in Jurassic park...is that red meat or are they birds?
    3) All was forgiven with the closing song and the dancing. That was awesome.

    By the way, you need to hear about the new Turkheimer & Hadden commercial in the planning stages. Hint: we wear tights.

    Also, I tried to call the erection number in the commercial. It wasn't long enough so it wouldn't work.

    The word I had to type in to post this comment is "luttrfac". Thought you should know.

  4. Also:

  5. sam neill visually evolving from apes and dancing with old women in the style of christopher walken? amazing. i think what it comes down to is that the australian beef industry must have quite the lobbying power.

    we had something red meatily similar back in the high-school era (a la behold the power of cheese) - aaron copelands 'hoedown' from rodeo playing along with giant woks tossing about grilled peppers and streaks of steak: BEEF. IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER.

    damn it. i'm hungry.

    (and still collecting cultural detritus for your irish care parcel. never fear. much love!)

  6. Stefan,
    1) No, he's Austrian, but he got confused.

    2) I'm pretty sure he west dinosaur in that particular film, but I'm not going to split hairs. The great thing about eating dinosaur is there are parts that taste like chicken and parts that taste like beef. This is why they ate each other into extinction soon after barbecue sauce was invented by Fred Flintstone.

    3) You'd think they'd include the dancing in all those ads (to elicit the same forgiveness you bestowed on this one) but they don't! In every other ad in that campaign Sam Neill simply says something snide and then cocks his eyebrow cockily.

    Oh well. Stefan, do you think I'll be able to play like Sniff 'n' Stiff again? (Why "Sniff," anyway? Am I not doing something right?)


  7. Oh, by the way, I've heard a lot about commercials "in the planning stages" but I'll believe it when I see it. Also, I doubt that it wasn't long enough. You just have to press harder.

  8. krg, I actually found out why he's called "Sniff," but I've been disinclined to tell because the answer is so painful. On so many levels.

    The company that made the ad sells a nasal spray that combats erectile dysfunction.

    So, you see it's not really Sniff AND Stiff. It's more like Sniff.

    Then Stiff.